April 7, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

This will have to be the last point on the agenda for a while as we will be on away on holiday and subsequently I then “Lost in Transition” as I make my way to the next stop on the board. I look forward to firing up the up the ride again (a couple of weeks at least) with perhaps a few posts in between for good measure.

Without further delay…

· If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery then perhaps I could have just blushed. But, when asked if I wanted a Tuk Tuk ride for the umpteenth time , I responded with a no sorry, I “Walk Walk”. Which was met with a "why always you Wok Wok WoK” to which I replied, with a smile, because always you “Yuk Yuk Yuk”; a good laugh was had by all.

· The heat here is remarkable. As I found out yesterday, a resilient crotch can recover from an entire Tiger Beer spill in less than 10 minutes.

· I accidentally wore my overnight nasal breathing strip out for a jog this morning and got a few funny looks. People enjoy their cartoons here and I am sure some must have been thrilled to be exercising with one of their favourites.

· A big black bat flew into our apartment last night, did two laps around the guest room and then showed his or her self out. I can’t imagine we’ll be that fortunate when someone comes to visit for real.

Thanks again for stopping by.

Meeting Adjourned until late April…

Cheers,
Mw

April 3, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

Fridays, how could you expect or possibly digest anything more then the irreverent.

· I am generally uncomfortable with the way waiters wield and dispense pepper using novelty sized grinders. I try not to imagine what they are thinking and hope the performance ends asap. On a similar note, Animal Planet just featured a monkey doing something remarkably similar at 10:31am.The unemployed don’t need to see that, it holds us back.

· Our cleaning lady must think I have Tourettes. CNN announced the score of my recorded football match this morning and to avoid hearing it I (alone in the home) loudly blurted out a random set of words for no apparent reason while running into the next room. She seemed to finish up a little sooner than normal.

· Our apartment has hard wood floors and ceilings which I like because I can walk or jump around the house carrying on about anything I want and not jinx it.

· There is a medical test I need to take before beginning my new position. The form says I may have to provide a stool sample. The infrastructure over there must be even worse than I had imagined...

Enjoy, yourselves, leave it on the dance floor.

Cheers and many thanks for dropping by,

Mw

April 2, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

I carry on about Tuk Tuks, but to be honest when I am flying solo, it’s all about the more economic Motto. Thursday is Driving Range Day and I usually set off on some guy’s motorbike around 15:00, golf clubs and all.

With the sun still high and traffic on the lighter side the ride is manageable. My clubs stay in the bag, resting on my lap like Sheryl Crow’s guitar on “MTV Unplugged”, occasionally twisting and turning ever so slightly in order not to clothes line anyone.

The ride back at 17:00 though is a different story. With the sun down and school out, the streets are alive with the sounds of motto mayhem and a more offensive approach is required. Like a jouster I reach into the bag and prepare to battle two worthy but very different foes, the “Mad Texting 12 Year Olds” and “The Jetsons”.

The MT12s are girls who look to young to be out alone, never mind have two of their friends on the back of a their motorbike and be sending text messages. Throw in a sunset and the distractions of the nightly commotion by the river and they are a relevant but inadvertent security concern.

The “Jetsons” are a far more significant threat. Fast and freewheeling they are young men, perhaps 16+. They drive fancy sooped up mottos that look and sound like those of their cartoon namesakes but ironically ride them like neither their or your immediate futures matters much; clowns without costumes really.

It’s hard to pick a club and the right emotion for two such diverse challenges. The “Jetsons” with their obvious disrespect belong well up the fairway, therefore requiring a driver, while the relatively innocent MT12s deserve a slight chip and consequently only a sand wedge. I’ve settled on a 5 Iron and just trying to keep my head down.

Four!,

Mw

Ps. On a side note, I noticed helmets on sale in the market for 4USD last week, I couldn’t read the message on the back but I am imagine it said not for transportation purposes.

April 1st, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

One of the things I like most about living here is the respect for culture and traditions including, the “Happy Hour”.

In our previous world I subscribed to a more Mediterranean time frame for drinking and dining and had to be dragged from the home before 21:45. Today all that has changed and with military precision I reach for the bugle shortly before 19:00 to promote and then shortly afterwards, proclaim our departure, unfortunately (particularly for our coiffes) by Tuk Tuk.

The tradition in many other countries where I have served or been served is more like “OK Hour” and usually not worth the bother. The establishments are often challenged, the savings governed by complex formulas (buy 4 get the 6th at 20 percent of the 2nd item) and subsequently the joy rather curtailed. Here it is an institution, the 50% savings on all (not just Miller Draft) beverages is significant and like the Yellow Submarine, everyone is onboard until at least 20:00

The publicans play fair too, no reindeer games. Staff don’t hide, struggle with the cash register or scoff when your insatiable thirst for savings or mojitos comes late in the game. Be it the NGO boys and their afterthought of two more Sangria pictures or my wife’s Cappuccino (she still struggles with the true meaning of it all) une heure est une heure. My SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) is to quickly book a return ticket on the “Long Island Express” and once that trip is done, sling out of Singapore or liberate Cuba shortly before it all comes to an end.

Inspired Friday night order restored we eventually return to our waiting Tuk Tuk. As a result of the above it now more resembles a chariot worthy of Cinderella (if she’s stayed out until 05:30am) and without any of the previously mentioned inhibitions, it merrily whiskeys us off to diner. Considering our state, usually somewhere safe and manageable, no Korean “Hot Pot” or Swiss Fondue (an available option), that is for sure...

Cheers indeed,

Mw