March 31, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

Below is a play by play account of my last 43 minutes...

Hotwire Online Hotel Booking rejected my credit card because of address inconsistencies.

I tried to call Visa using my international calling card’s local number but the call ate all the credit on my mobile and I was disconnected.

I tried to use the “pee phone” across the street and was laughed at by Tuk Tuk drivers. Apparently it hadn’t worked since the war.

Ever determined, I found an internet cafe and spent 23 minutes in something very similar to what I experienced on the “Indiana Jones” ride at Universal Studios. Picture a steamy cabinet, scrawled nonsense on the walls, a menacing open face fan, a chewed up rubber mouse pad (consumed perhaps by someone else who likely had been on hold even longer than me) and a low ceiling of spider webs to entangle me if/when I passed out.

Mission apparently complete, I returned home again, Hotwire rejected me again, and now I am going back to do it all over, again...

Watch the news tonight...

Wow,

Mw

March 27,2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

Our bedroom window was left open last night and we were swarmed by mosquitoes like a Younge St. “Foot Locker” on Boxing Day. Subsequently my writing this morning appears to have suffered, I think I am still coming down on whatever it is they deposit in you. As always here is Friday's “Pot Pouri” which I believe translates very roughly into dirty pot. Perhaps judging by the content it’s somewhat appropriate...

· Lost in translation, the”Off” I purchased at a reasonable discount back home must be sold as “On” on here. I appear to be a staple.

· Spell checker is my freeware version of “Hangman”, you would think after twenty years of formal education you wouldn’t be sending so many men off to the gallows.

· I can work a typing keyboard like Mr. Liberace might have, but I noticed yesterday that when I am printing my body slumps over, my face crinkles up and I look like some kid in grade school who has been held back for thirty some years.

And finally, one more for I what I hope you will agree is a “Happy Ending”.

· I noticed this confusing store front sign last night, “Wang Foot Massage”. Now I’m not sure if this place offers two separate but fairly common services in this town, or one very unique one.

Stay loose,
Mw

March 26, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

Our new computer uses a finger print scanner to identify me, it works well but frankly, there are indulgent afternoons where I am surprised not to be greeted by a “Welcome Back Mr. Sanders”. I am even more nervous when I push the envelope and order the three piece “Snack” box. I keep waiting for the “Sorry Mr. Sanders No Finger Licking Good; try showing some restraint next time” prompt.

Respecting the installation instructions and warnings (they offered no projections of what challenge might lie ahead for my poor hands) I diligently registered each of my fingers but unfortunately was unsuccessful with the remaining 11 appendages.

I have to admit though; I do feel a little cheeky for several different reasons when I slide my middle finger across it...

Thumbs up indeed,

Mw

March 23, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

It’s a classic case of “careful what you wish for” and “if you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the country". As mentioned before, electricity is expensive and the maker of all things cool is on only from the first retirement of the evening until I challenge the morning usually around 07:34. Below are some of the realities of life in between.

· It helps to have done most of your thinking for the day before 08:30 and not to press “send” on anything consequential until well after sunset.

· Challenging tasks requiring coordination and concentration, like solitaire are overwhelming. More often than not I find myself reaching for the “hint” button. I wish it were more readily available for other aspects of my life.

· Fashion tends to suffer and concessions have to be made. It is so I hot I am considering cropping my “wife beater” shirt.

· In home water coolers are compulsory appliances. I think of it as an opportunity to have a little piece of a Texas town right in our kitchen, without Bubba.

· Sleeping in past 08:00am is unrealistic even if you don’t have an ambitious cleaning lady.

· Our glasses perspire more than I do and our coasters are toasted; the ice cubes are so traumatized they could use a support group.

But to end on a positive note:

· Today for an hour or two I was slightly younger then the highest temperature of the day. It was very refreshing.

Stay cool,

Mw

March 20th, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

As always on Friday, a few brief highlights from some of the more memorable conversations I have had with myself over the past week. Back on Tuesday, we are off to the beach...

Our cable provider doesn’t carry the “Golf Channel” so I watch at the gym while I train. I am often there during the lady’s golf hour and can’t help but notice how many wonderful sponsorship opportunities there are for club maker “Big Bertha”. It would be terrifying to be there rep though. Could you imagine approaching one of the players and remarking that they would represent your brand perfectly? Four!

Amsterdam in an attempt to clean up its image is banning coffee shops from operating in the vicinity of schools and community centres. Sad really, the “Do Not Fry Zones” will extinguish over 20 businesses.

When frequenting a barber for the first time I make sure to try and keep my wings real in and pray to god they aren’t still coming down on “Cialis”.

And finally, now as Friday begins to take on special meaning again; funny that when unemployed all you can think about is working, but once you’ve know you’ve finally found a job, the last thing you really want to do is work...

High ho, high ho,

Mw