Bathroom Blues

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

To help address the ridiculous amount of $ I pay each month in rent I am forced to strap vacuum packed, zip locked bags to my legs and fly...

Ah just kidding, the truth is far more innocent yet none the less terrifying; I elect to share a bathroom.

In the beginning my frugality paid off and I lived in relative bathroom harmony with a woman across the yonder. Our unnatural relationship aided in part by questionable emotional intelligence that allows me to live in a world where women use washrooms differently than men, and the fact that while she wouldn't necessarily be the first person I'd like to picture on the throne, our schedules never really conflicted.

That all changed last week when a moving van pulled up and the landlord substituted in a replacement. Any mystery regarding the compatibility of my com-pot-riot was quickly answered on Friday afternoon when I entered the facility to be greeted by mounds of wet hair locks coating the basinet and shower floor. Judging by the variety of hair, who or whatever it was, had had help and was now pruned and primed for some poolside summer fun.

Needless to say, alarms were quickly raised and an emergency meeting held with guest house senior management (the older of two cousins). I expressed my concerns in a brief, but intense interpretive dance and was assured the beast would have constructed his own grooming facility, within his cage, before the end of the month.

Mercifully, the construction workers arrived today and therefore so to should end the story of me having to share a lavatory.

Small victories,

Mw

July 22, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

The key to fitness and losing weight for anyone who is not naturally inclined is loving the buzz. At first that might come from the compliments both anticipated and received, but eventually like the pounds, those fade away.

Effective and addictive intoxication comes from how you feel once your exercise mercifully comes to an end. If you can stick with it long enough until you crave it, then it is virtually impossible to live without.

Just saying no to pretty much anything is a buzz killer and that’s why dieting and its emphasis on denial is always bound to fail…

“Looking Good Louis, Feeling Good Billy Ray…”

Mw

Ps. Having thought about it, the same philosophy applies to pretty much anything else you want to do accomplish with your life.

July 19, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

My laundry bag came back a little heavier then it left today. Dispatched with five pairs of shorts, it returned Calvin Klein + one. The infiltrator distinguished by its slightly shorter “European” cut and a more confident waistband.

Needless to say, the shorts after a brief trial were found guilty of trespassing and expelled – the offence, too many Calvins on the ice.

Short of any known protocol or exchange treaty the offending undergarment was hauled out, literally by a thread, to the common couch out front.

There they remain, unclaimed. Calvin Declined you might say.

Cheers,

Mw

Kicking the Habit

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

Yesterday in a moment of desperation I had to call my wife and beg her to come pick me up. I had relapsed and needed both her support and courage to free myself from the grasp of my “Dark Master”.

With her help, I know I can claw my way out of the bucket and address my two piece a week (when overseas) habit.

Sometimes its hardest on the families…

Cheers,

Mw