March 18, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

Enough about me, the papers today seemed far more interesting...

I read this morning that Joseph Fritzal’s lawyer was just as shocked as journalists when vile Fritz unexpectedly plead guilty to all charges, I suppose in part because he had all ready signed off on more than a few significant purchases....

Pope Ratiznger stated yesterday that he believed condoms rather than preventing aids had actually contributed to its spread in Africa. Perhaps due to inexperience he was only referring to the second hand market...

According to CNN 1000 witches have been detained in Gambia; I can imagine officers waited until they were on their brooms to arrest them. It’s safer then raiding their lairs.

Keep on reading,

Mw

March 18, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

To misquote The Smiths, “Granny on a moped it’s serious...”

The other day, I received a knock at the door, 24hrs. after we had handed over 4500USD in first + last month’s rent and a damage deposit worthy of a dowry. It was Wong the elderly figure head of our anonymous landlord. As promised (once the green had been seen) it was time to look at new couches, and in my new found role as homemaker rather than home-wrecker my taste would have to suffice.

70-something year old Wong strapped me on to the back of her motor bike and we rode off into the sunset, and then the most harrowing left turn of my left turning life. After 35 seconds stuck in“no grandmother’s land” a rice truck and barbeque-ped showed mercy and we thankfully wheelied up onto the curb.

I remember very little from that point onwards but I must have been somewhat scared and disoriented. Bamboozled, I ended up purchasing something of a similar composition and as a result write to you each evening from what appears to be remnants of the Bridge over the River Kwai.

Uncomfortably yours,

Mw

March 17,009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

Our normally nominally cultured Sunday afternoon stroll took a turn South yesterday as starved for anything but food we decided to bite the bullet (financially) and head out to the shooting range. Patience dwindling after 45 minutes in a dusty Tuk-Tuk we knew we must be close when we crossed paths with a returning entity and its four distinguished passengers each with long hair and concert t-shirts.

Entering the Cambodian Army’s Commando Compound a peace pact/survival strategy was agreed upon. Both parties consented not to discuss any issues of contention including, but not limited to (late nights, family planning, questionable friends (hers boys)) and re-pledged our lifelong commitment to each other. The shooting gallery ironically would have to be a place of peace and love.

Bang for your buck is what you might expect at such a place, but we had been forewarned by our driver that the bullets weren’t cheap and extras like a menacing chicken would push the price even higher. After a brief consultation with a commando we settled on an automatic rifle (good lady gun) and 30 bullets for 40 dollars. In the end I think it was more like 23 but having all ready shot our load, opportunities for discussing the issue much further were limited. We left shortly afterwards.

The experience in light of some news received on Monday morning would turn out to be somewhat fortuitous...perhaps I should have practiced a lot more.

Big Cheers Indeed,

Mw

March 13, 2009

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

Fridays are rambling musing days. They are quicker to write and I hope equally as palatable. Cherish your pending freedom.

· I think the first moment of uncertainty for Poles and Czechs during the 1930s was when Hitler and Eva Braun showed up early one morning with extra large beach towels.

· I sincerely believe aliens have visited earth, perhaps as part of an extra terrestrial themed cruise. I am also very thankful that so far they have been discreet. You aren’t making your tee off time the day that curtain goes up.

· My very tight (in part the nature of the garment) QuickSilver surfing shirt got left behind twice today; maybe though I am asking a little too much of it.

· Our cleaning lady walked in this morning and saw me squatting on our 65cm Reebok Exercise Ball; she looked a little taken back, like perhaps I was still in the process of laying it.

Back on Monday.

Cheers,

Mw

March 12, 2008

Any Other Business?

Dear All,

While our new apartment is an upgrade worthy of a “Jefferson’s” like sitcom, sadly our television monitoring has suffered. Short of inviting Erquel, Webster, or the Friends into our home every evening we are forced to either physically get up and insert a DVD or sit through some medieval master piece on the movie station.

Our cable provider (or lack thereof) must get a deal on any production featuring horses drawn carriages, wigs or awkwardly long wooden tables. In the history of the world, I can’t imagine anything ever remotely interesting has ever been said in a couch ride other than, “it has been five days, are we almost there yet”? Occasionally I notice the monotony of the ride is broken up by a band of freaks in the forest but challenge or no challenge everyone eventually has to get back in the bloody carriage. The only thing that can save these types of movies is a midget or two and even then it’s a tall order.

Fortunately though there are more pirates here than the Horn of Africa and for 10$ we recently purchased the entire collection of the “West Wing” which according to my grade ten math works out to about 1$ per season + labour (see above). Very fair.

I am off to fetch a bucket. No it’s not that bad, thankfully there are plenty of other things to do, like hitting golf balls...

Four,

Mw